Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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