I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
