I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
