; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
