After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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