you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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