I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
