the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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