I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
