we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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