I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
