Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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