My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
