I just cut my nipple shaving
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
