I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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