I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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