And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
