return my video game
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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