once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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