good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
