I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
