Where did you get a picture of my penis
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
