I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
