Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
