you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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