it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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