i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In other news, I just burned my penis
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
