you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
