if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
