so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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