Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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