I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
