also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
