Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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