You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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