I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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