Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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