He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
