i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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