You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
