Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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