One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
