"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
