My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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