You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
