Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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