the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
