i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
