i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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