Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
