You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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