Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
