Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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